Forgiveness and Grace makes the world a better place

That little ditty ran through my head as I cleaned around the toilet this morning. My little daughter had "missed" the seat, tried to clean it up and left the tp there after telling me about the problem. I'd been busy all morning--feeding chickens, making homemade yogurt, prepping a room for painting and in the midst had forgotten about her telling me about the mess. Yes, I had left it there, forgotten and unattended. Until my husband got up, went into the bathroom and said, "Whoa! What happened here?!" He's steadily gotten tired of our son being lazy about aim and so this was an automatic trigger point. Only then did I remember what my daughter had told me about a while back. I filled him in and explained how I'd gotten distracted from cleaning it up right away. He chilled right out and smiled, saying, "I can't IMAGINE what could have distracted you!"
A sigh of contentment spilled out of me as I made my way to the bathroom to help my daughter with the cleanup. Forgiveness and grace. I thought about how he might have responded if he'd been someone else. How I could have been judged, ew, bad parent, bad housekeeper! Nothing is more important that getting pee up off the floor right away! (It does rank up pretty high, but still...) I thought about how wonderful it is when we have the habit of letting go of things. Giving space and grace to each other to be human and make mistakes and forget things once in a while. After all, we know that in our family we are ALL trying our best to be the best wife, mom, husband, father, kid, sister and brother that we can be. When we fall short of perfect, we have a choice. We can judge or condemn or just get pissed and offended with each other for not "measuring up", or we can soften our hearts, make space, forgive and let go, knowing that someday it will be us goofing up. I LOVE that my husband has chosen that path.

Now I know that some people might get their dander up here and say, "Why didn't HE clean it up?" Truth be told, if I'd asked him to he probably would have. Instead, he was busy making ME fried eggs and helping out in the kitchen. And another opportunity to look at the situation and NOT get offended, but rather, live easy and accept each other. It leads to so much peace, so much more love between us and so much more energy to live life instead of sabatoging ourselves and our families.

It reminded me to choose that path as well and get less frustrated with myself, trusting that I AM learning, growing, becoming more every day of what I hope to be.

It also reminded me to apply that grace to my children because that conveys trust that yes, they too are learning and growing and DO want to be amazing adults some day...who sometimes forget to clean up a mess because they got distracted.

P.S. A friend once asked me to explain this concept of applying grace. She said, "I hear you talking about grace a lot, but I don't know what that means." I explained that what I mean by grace, is to give space and accept the other person in all their humanness. Or perhaps at that moment just choosing NOT to get angry, offended and bitter. And to choose to believe that yes, they didn't purposely put you out. It just happened as a part of life. Or if they did, Wow! They must be really hurting or dealing with stuff to take it out on you. Having compassion. Living from your heart. And especially, stopping the judging and criticizing.

Kauai Delights

We're experiencing our first day of Kauai bliss. It was windy and overcast and chilly, but fabulously beautiful! The kids were so excited to swim in the ocean, we walked a few miles to Poipu beach, which is more kid-friendly with protected little beaches. I am so proud of my kids, particularly Sophie for managing to walk along the cliffs and roads 1.5 miles there, play for hours on the playground, beach and surf and then walking all the way back...after a great burger at Brennecke's.
After a rest, we'll be heading to the pool for more water fun. Gotta get it while we can!

Note of self-reflection: One affirmation I've been dwelling on is this: Suffering is optional. (Especially for someone like me, from America with all my needs and a WHOLE lot of wants met every day.) I imagine it would mean a whole different thing to a mom with AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa, or someone living out the aftermath of an earthquake.
But in my little world, it was remarkable how frequently I noticed myself going to "suffering." Like, wow. The long flight to Kauai I had to sit between my kids while Mark napped across the aisle. Or why does it have to be so windy, rainy and chilly when WE are here? Silly me. As soon as I noticed it though, and my tendency toward it, I also became aware that I DO have a choice. Do I want to see what isn't my ideal and focus on my perceived lack? Or do I want to simply relax and revel in the amazing gifts that are happening and available at the very same moment?
What a beautiful gift to have that pointed out to me! (Shame that it doesn't come naturally!)
I'm so grateful to have the daily opportunity to learn and grow and start anew. And how much more enjoyable this trip is with me making these choices. Not just for me, but for my husband, children and others I'm around.

Yay! I love a happy moment!

Room to Grow

When I was younger and thought about becoming a parent, I was confident. I knew I'd be patient and loving and have the tools I needed to nurture and discipline and help our children grow into amazing adults. When I became a mother, I began to see things differently.
It's not that I don't have patience. It's that I didn't realize how very much that patience could be stretched. That it could be lost, completely and utterly lost. And that I could find it again. I discovered that patience is an intentional, cultivated practice. I learned that becoming more patient required a tenacious, passionate love. I found that patience was an incredible gift that I could give not only to my children, but also to myself.
Having children showed me how critical I was of myself and others. How I expected perfection and became quite angry when I didn't live up to it. As life unfolded and my children and I grew, so often the realities of our lives together did not match up to my ideals, my vision, and I found myself disappointed, disgruntled, and distraught with us all. Somehow, I believed, if I worked hard enough, if I read the right books, was disciplined enough or strong enough, if my children were good enough, the ideal family life I envisioned would happen. My children would be as I had dreamed them to be, and all would be right with the world.
Years later, after so many tears, struggles, fits and fusses (mostly mine!), I discover some beautiful and wonderful truths. My ideas of perfect are not perfect, nor are they necessary. My children are amazing and wonderful, challenging and fascinating, and not at all what I had imagined or expected. They are their own small people, growing and blossoming into what they were meant to be. I am learning that the true beauty in parenting these children comes not in molding them into my image, or the some other image, but in discovering the delightful surprises of who they are.
Patience is a gift. I began this journey of parenting believing this gift was given to my children out of love. I found that my children have blessed me by taking that gift, stretching it and returning it to me to use on myself. As I learn to treasure the messy, imperfect, incredible experience of watching them grow, I begin to treasure that same journey within myself. I gift myself with patience when I lose it. When I'm too tired to respond as I'd like to as a mom. When I make mistakes, or don't know, or find yet another little way in which I see that I have room to grow.

Blessing your children

Blessing is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children. In each heart there is a yearning to be known, to be valued, to be treasured. In the hectic life of modern families, finding ways to touch upon those yearnings can get lost amidst the logistics of making it through the day.

Here's one idea for letting children know we see the beauty in them, and showing them how precious they are. For blessing them.

Write them an annual letter. Choose their birthday, Valentine's Day or another special day. Take a few minutes to reflect back on the year. Think about how they've grown or matured, what they were like months ago. Remark on any milestones: their first sleepover or lost tooth, how they overcame their fear of spiders or won the spelling bee. Let them know what you see in them--the kindness, the joyful play, their great sense of humor. So often we are focused on what we'd like to see change, especially with a challenging child, but always there are glimpses of the special person they are if we look for them. And they need to see that greatness, that reflection of God in themselves too. Throw into the mix your feelings about them. The best of your feelings for them. How proud you are, how glad you are they are in your family.

Feel overwhelmed with writing a letter? Take 5 minutes and write 5 sentences. Something that made you smile about your child.
Something you shared together that was fun.
Something they grew in or succeeded in.
Something that is special about them.
How they make you feel on the best of days.

Think your child is too young for a full discourse? Write that one year old a letter...and save it in their photo album. When they are older--perhaps a teen--give them a copy of your letters. Let them see themselves through they years through the eyes of a loving parent.

The soundtracks of their lives

I'm so excited about this idea because music is so important to me and how I live in this world.

Here is Chase's for his 10th birthday--a mixture of songs he loves, songs that made me think of him, and songs that share my heart and values for him at this point, with a hip-hop, calypso feel type theme....

The City is Ours--Big Time Rush
Halfway There--Big Time Rush
Famous--Big Time Rush
Ooh Ahh featuring Toby Mac--Grits
Get It--Grits
Bad to the Bone--George Thorogood
Hungry Like the Wolf--Duran Duran
One Tribe--Black Eyed Peas
Three Little Birds--Bob Marley
Don't Worry, Be Happy--Bobby McFerrin
I Get Ideas--Troutfishing in America
Love is the Seventh Wave--Sting
Sweet Dreams--The Eurythmics
Like to Get to Know You Well--Howard Jones

So Fun! I can't wait to see what comes to mind next year! He was so thrilled that he called me the BEST MOM EVER!!!! (Until I made him mad and then I was EVIL.)

Sophie's last year looked like this with a sunshine/rainbow theme:

Over the Rainbow--Eva Cassidy
Good Day Sunshine--Joanie Bartels
Walking on Sunshine--Katrina and the WAves
You are the Sunshine of my Life--Stevie Wonder
Twinkle, Twinkle
Waltz of the Cornflowers--Glazunov
Bim Bam--traditional
So Happy You're Here-Hap Palmer
Oh What a Beautiful Morning--Joanie Bartels
Easy Going Day--Joanie Bartels
Feelin' Groovy--Joanie Bartels
"A" You're Adorable--Maria Muldaur
Snuggle Puppy-Eric Stolz
It Had to Be You--Harry Connick, Jr.
A Whole New World--Peabo Bryson
Always--Lilo and Stitch Soundtrack
A Wink and a Smile--Harry Connick, Jr.
Make Someone Happy--Jimmy Durante
What a Wonderful World--Louis Armstrong


So fun!!!! And when they're 18 and off at college or whatever adventure, the will have a compilation of amazing songs that meant something to them through their childhood. Yay!

A Pep Talk for myself

Just Today

Just today I got everything off the counters and wiped them down.
I unloaded and loaded and washed the dishes in the dishwasher.
I fed my children, gave them vitamins and did the same for myself.
I took a shower and got dressed.
I sorted my kelp and hung up lines over my tub.
I praised the kids and gave them points.
I disciplined Chase so he will grow to a mature, kind young man.
I ignored his fits, his tongue-lashings and arrows.
I encouraged Sophie and allowed her to join me in processing seaweed.
I dried fucus and made kelp pickles.
I laid out nori to dry.
I cooked noodles and made a healthy lunch.
I made bone soup.
I changed my daughter's diaper and helped her dress and brushed her hair.
I helped my son get his chores done and keep track of his computer usage.
I fed the chickens and let the chicks out.
I put a show on for Sophie and helped her learn to pause it.
I took pictures of my seaweed adventure.
I rested.
I made lemon ginger tea for my health.
I didn't allow my son to make me freak out.
I directed my children to help with the housework and got the place picked up and ready to be vaccuumed.
I was there for them and steady in my heart and attitude.
I read stories to my daughter and got her a drink and snack when she wanted one.
I listened to my son's stories and songs and ideas.
I was present and I did not allow myself to get overwhelmed.
I did not get angry or resentful of my husband for the leftover weekend mess.
I did not move into self-pity for the work or having to discipline.
I stayed steady, by the grace of God.

Note to self: I really did a lot and it's only 2 pm. My temptation is to see all I want to do and haven't gotten to yet and get bitter or frustrated or down on myself for not doing it. But really, could I have done more in the last 8 hours? If I just remain present and attend to what is foremost--having QII time to figure that out, then I will accomplish that which is truly important.

Friends in Minnesota

The drive to Minnesota from South Dakota was pretty uneventful. No much to look at aside from rolling green hills. Nicer than looking at billboards and parking lots. We stopped at unmemorable places for food and finally arrived at Aniko and Jared's place around 6 pm.

They have a beautiful home in the farmland of Minnesota not far from Albert Lea off I-90. Jared's family has lived on that land for 3 generations of farming. He grew up in the house next door. It was wonderful visiting my friend--I hadn't seen her in nearly 5 years! It was fun to meet her three sweet children. Sophie had her first sleepover with Zsofi, An's oldest. Zsofi shared a doll with Sophie that she absolutely treasures! The little boys wrestled with Chase and then they all went outside to catch fireflies, which brought back memories for me of my childhood. Jared said that when he was a kid there were no fireflies--too much pesticide on the farms. Now, his uncle farms organically and the fireflies are back.

In the morning, we had a delicious baked oatmeal (I need to get that recipe!) and then shipped out. Our goal was to make it to Chicagoland the visit friends from our time there. But when we checked the weather, we discovered that they were having severe thunderstorms and tornado warnings, so we stopped an hour or so early and got a hotel. After dinner and swimming together, we all relaxed and went to bed.

Now we're heading to the Indiana Dunes for a romp and maybe a swim, then onward as we wrap up this leg of our adventure. We hope to get to my sister, Lori's by Friday night!

The Badlands

Deadwood was a happenin' place, if you like casinos, since we don't we moved on. We took a beautiful walk in the Black Hills of South Dakota. Sophie loved blowing bubbles and running on the trails. Jakers loved it too. Chase found cool rocks and whittled as he walked. It was very relaxing. I loved seeing the slate formations. They stick straight up and down!!!!

Then we drove to the Badlands which were amazing. We saw Bison, Longhorn Sheep, Prairie Dogs and incredible views. After visiting the Prairie Dog towns, we drove out of the park to the Agate Allotment in the National Grasslands Park where we were able to rock hound.

After THAT, we drove on to find a hotel and crash for the night. The hotels east of the Badlands for 100 miles all had no vacancies. We finally found a little place and crashed.